F Words
This month, I’m here to talk with you about two “f” words that might raise your eyebrows even higher than the one you think I mean…failure and feedback.
“Failure is a signpost to turn you in another direction.” Oprah Winfrey
There’s a lot of wisdom out there about failure, and even a leading business management strategy around “failing fast.” This is because failure is inevitable. So many of us carry a real anxiety or actual fear of failing–especially those of us who are overachievers. It’s taken me a lot of work, reflection and, well, failure to begin to accept failure for what it is. It’s a sign to try again, try differently, or as Oprah says, head in another direction. In our work, this means we acknowledge mistakes, correct them as we are able, and give ourselves and our colleagues some grace.
I mention all of this as a bit of a roundabout way to let you know that the Winter Wellness Retreat we were planning for January, 2025 won’t be happening. And…that’s ok. Personally, I’m excited to see what it is I’m supposed to be doing instead!
Now, on to the other f word, feedback. Perhaps you’ve heard of the compliment sandwich approach, recently challenged by a researcher I really like, Adam Grant. Honest feedback, when it comes from a person you know and respect, can be a gift for someone who has a growth mindset. No one likes to hear negative feedback, especially about a project you feel strongly about or worked really hard on. But if you are an overachiever (guilty!), you also know that what you do is not perfect. Having someone you trust and respect offer you observations about where things could be different can be really helpful, when delivered with respect and care.
Every time I’ve had a potentially challenging conversation with a client or colleague centered around feedback, the end result has been positive when:
The person asked, and set a conversation time specifically for, the delivery of feedback. Telling someone in the moment that something is going wrong, if it can’t be fixed, can land like a complaint, or worse, an insult.
The person is honest about what they are about to say “I have some feedback for you that may be hard to hear,” or another one I like, “I have some tough feedback but it’s not about you personally”
The person approaches you with curiosity rather than accusation “I observed this and I’m curious about why…”
Both people listen to understand rather than respond. Entire books have been written on this subject.
Fear, failure and feedback. Feel free to adjust your approach to each, and see what happens.