Being Human At Work
I was recently on a walk with a friend and I was sharing an experience with a client that reminded me of a realization I had about a year ago.
As a leader, you are always paying someone else’s debts.
We know that human relationships are complex and require time, attention, care and cultivation to be fulfilling for the humans involved in them. Time and time again, I see leaders in organizations and companies forgetting this and instead focusing on seemingly objective “deliverables” and “benchmarks” like productivity and hours spent in the office.
Part of the arc of relationship building with your team is creating enough trust and being observant enough to begin to understand what baggage your team members have brought with them. What are some of the messages your team members are carrying in their heads that were put there by someone else? What does that debt look like, and how can you pay it?
Because you’ve got to pay it. It’s not fair, but it’s the only way forward.
Here are some of the most common “debts” I’ve seen recently, and how I have tried to counter them.
Looks Like:
Lack of confidence in work product after being in a work environment where the leader conveyed an expectation of perfectionism.
Can Be Undone With:
Borrowing Brené Brown wisdom, “Clear is kind. Unclear is unkind.”
Every time a member of your team delivers a work product, be clear with both appreciation and correction.
When a mistake is made, acknowledge the mistake with kindness, offer a suggestion for improvement next time and move on.
Looks Like:
Working through illness, holidays, vacations, and boundaries after being in a work environment where everything was considered urgent all the time.
Can Be Undone With:
Take the time to make your expectations clear every time you give an assignment. Assign a level of urgency and a timeframe so your team knows what is real.
And, lead by example. As a leader, you have to lean on your team members when you are offline. Talk with them ahead of time about your expectations and trust them to handle things as you asked. This means not reading your email when you’re offline if you said you’d be offline :)
Looks Like:
Avoiding asking questions, even when in a new role, after being in a work environment where the leader didn’t have time for questions or just expected people to know what to do.
Can Be Undone With:
This one, I try to address head on.
“Listen, I think you’re probably going to have questions about this task. Please ask them, because I may not be able to anticipate them all.”
And when questions ARE asked, only respond with a welcoming phrase…to borrow Ted Lasso wisdom, “Be Curious, Not Judgemental.”
“Thank you for asking that question.”
“That’s a great question, thanks for asking it.”
“You know, I forgot that you might not know how this is done. Thanks for asking. Let me give you more information.”
I know that sometimes we as leaders can be challenged to balance our “task-obvious” responsibilities with the relationship building responsibilities we have to our teams. The other invaluable resource is your own network–chances are, if you’re having a challenge with someone, a peer is/has dealt with a similar situation. Be brave enough to reach out and ask for help.
Being human can be hard. Being human at work can be even harder. Let’s all do what we can to look out for each other.